Good morning. Here is your briefing. Let’s start with some news.
Improved performances haven’t improved Louis van Gaal’s mood. Here he is turning the tables and asking a journalist how he would feel if his employment future was discussed in public. While this switcheroo doesn’t really work on a practical level, as the notion of football managers coming under public pressure shouldn’t really be a surprise to Van Gaal, we do like his style. More of this, please.
We’re rather less impressed with those who seek to roll around in Gary Neville’s woes like pigs in shit. You can’t bemoan the lack of English managers abroad and then flick your nipples with joy when someone has the courage to test themselves and it goes awry. Here’s the excellent Pete Jensen in the Mail discussing his latest defeat.
Only four teams in the Premier League aren’t being weird. Here’s Andi Thomas for SB Nation on the few remaining strands of normality in the top flight narrative.
What on earth is going on with Daniel Sturridge? That’s what Chris Bascombe of the Telegraph want to know. And he’s not alone.
ON YOUR TELLY THIS WEEK (Assuming that you live in the UK)
There’s a nice Iberian toss-up on offer on Monday. Can Sporting sneak ahead of Benfica and top the table? Find out when they play Rio Ave on BT Sport Europe at 1900. But if you don’t want to do that, why not check out Not David Moyes’ Real Sociedad as they go away to struggling Espanyol? That’s on Sky Sports 2 at 1930.
When was the last time Liverpool played well for a whole game? Was it Boxing Day against Leicester? Was it back at the start of December when they walloped Southampton? They’re really not very good at the moment and they face a tricky trip to Upton Park in the FA Cup on Tuesday. You can watch that on BT Sport 2 at 1945. If you have absolutely no intention of doing that, and if you watched the first game at Anfield that’s understandable, then how about a German Cup double bill? Catch Bayer Leverkusen vs Werder Bremen at 1800 on BT Sport ESPN then pop over to BT Sport Europe for Stuttgart vs Borussia Dortmund.
There’s more German Cup action on Wednesday. Bayern Munich didn’t win on Saturday. Is this the end? Is this the start of a catastrophic disintegration? Would you find that funny? Does that sort of thing amuse you? Bochum vs Bayern Munich is on BT Sport Europe at 1930. If you want to maintain English input above all else, Peterborough will replay their cup tie against West Bromwich Albion on BBC One at 1945 and you know what? They could win that. If you’re able to get out of work early and you really don’t have anything better to do, you might want to watch Celtic’s U19 vs Valencia U19 in the UEFA Youth League play-offs at 1700 on BT Sport Europe. Make a note of the best player’s name, mention him loads on Twitter, then sit back and hope he realises his potential. Don’t pretend you’ve never done this.
On Thursday, you can watch Lazio vs Verona on BT Sport Europe at 1945, but you’re not going to do that, are you? You’re going to watch Manchester City’s development squad against Manchester United’s development squad on BT Sport 1 at 2000. Because you’ve been led to believe that United’s youth team are coached by feral dogs and practice in rock gardens with balls made of mud, and you want to see if it’s true.
All the football is on telly on Friday. There’s loads of it. You can’t possibly watch it all, especially when all the football is on telly on Saturday and Sunday as well. You’re going to have to choose. And what a choice. You could watch AMF’s St Pauli vs MF’s Red Bull Leipzig on BT Sport ESPN at 1730. You could follow that with Mainz vs Schalke 04 on BT Sport ESPN at 1930. But you might want to watch Sporting Heehon vs Rayo Vallecano on Sky’s red button at 1930. Or Rennes vs Angers on BT Sport Extra 3 at 1930. Or maybe Dundee vs St Johnstone on BT Sport 2 at 1945. Or Carpi vs Roma at 1945 on BT Sport Extra 2. Or you might just go to the pub after work, on the off chance that The One For Whom You Yearn comes along as well. You might try to time going to the bar so that you end up standing next to each other, the points of your elbows coming together in the crush at the bar, that strange, foreign heat through the fabric of your shirt sleeve constituting the most erotic experience you’ve shared with another person since the summer was young. But the other side of your bed has been empty for so long that you relish that heat and you make only a half-hearted attempt to catch the eye of the bar staff, not really wanting them to notice you, because the longer that you’re both there waiting, the more chance there is that you’ll think of something to say. But you don’t say anything because you never do now. You don’t even make eye contact because you’re so terribly afraid. Afraid to destroy the illusory construct you’ve created in your head, the perfection that your sub-conscious has sculpted because deep down, you know that only perfection can ever replace what you had, what you squandered and what you can never get back. And you watch as The One For Whom You Yearn walks away, back to friends, back to smiles and laughter and you know, with thudding certainty, that nothing will ever happen. And you take your drinks back to the people you pretend are your friends and you sit quietly for a time before you slip out of the back door, your drink unfinished. You trudge home through the persistent drizzle, you open the door, you tread on the post you never open, you climb into bed and you watch Benfica vs Porto on BT Sport Europe at 2030.
Full TV listings can be found over here on the Live Football on TV page
BOOK OF THE WEEK
Yeah…still working through The Wizard Detectives by Ben Aaronovitch. I mean, granted, they’re not actually called ‘The Wizard Detectives,’ but they really should be. Just starting the fourth b0ok now. I’m not even sorry.
FROM OUR VAULT
We haven’t had time to play many games of late, but we’ve got fond memories of Tiki Taka Soccer. It’s like Sensible Soccer, but you play it on your phone with swipes of your fingers. Check out our review here.
BEST NON-FOOTBALL THING
Take a team of adventurers into a dungeon, kill monsters, collect treasure, yadda, yadda, yadda. But why is Darkest Dungeon different? Because your adventurers aren’t robots, they’re people. And when they stride into the darkness, they start to get scared. And while some of them react to the horrors they see by becoming stronger and braver, some of them freak right out and you need to get them out, get them back to the village and send them whoring until they’re happy again.
If you’d like to recommend something for next Monday’s briefing, get in touch by emailing [email protected]
